the discovery of me

When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.
— ralph ellison
finding me.jpg

2015 has been the year of excavating the soul. I have been on a quest to pull myself out from the rubble of some hard years, to discover the trueness of myself, to find myself. It was a life saving mission. 

Somewhere along the way, it happened. I wasn't even completely aware of the light that I had found. I thought I was carrying on as before. It's interesting how we get lost in the details and cannot see how far we've come. I was blessed yesterday with a phone call from a friend who was able to hold up a mirror and say, "Here. Look at yourself. This is what I see now I want to make sure you are seeing it too." 

In my conversation with her, I listened to myself say things like,

"Yes. I feel like I am on sure ground." 

"I feel like I made the turn and I am on my way home."

"All of this feels right and good"

and I knew that I wasn't just saying words to cover up anything. There was nothing left to cover up. Excavation is complete. 

There are a few months left in the year yet I am already peeking into 2016 and wondering what my theme will be. In the past, my yearly word themes have been heavy ... embody, tenacious, excavate ... lots of work. I am looking for lighter and brighter. 

Until then, I am going to enjoy the rest of this year free of the weight life had piled on me. Even though there are big questions running through my mind, such as what do I want, I don't feel burdened with the questions. I feel like I can dance with them, play with them, banter with them. It feels free.