freedom in being OK

Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.
— andy warhol

At the beginning of my acupuncture appointments, we have a check in. She asks how I am doing and I respond with what I am feeling in my body, how my sleep has been, and let her know if any new issues have shown up. Last week, not feeling the best I have felt but also not feeling the worst either, when she asked me how I was doing, I replied, "I'm OK." She answered, "Ok is good." OH yes. That's right. OK is good. 

Those three words took me back to my counseling sessions last year after my mother died. My therapist helped me realize that I have a tendency to hold on to the broken persona, that I won't give myself permission to be OK. I am sure that this cycles back to years of being a sinner saved by grace, being taught that I was broken and in need of a savior. The idea was so firmly planted within me that for a long time, I didn't know how to be OK. Just OK. 

I think being broken also can become an excuse. All of my flaws, mistakes, and purposeful wounding can be blamed on my being broken. If I am not whole and healthy then I don't have to show up whole and healthy in the world. I guess I am trying to say that the mindset that I am broken somehow weirdly creates space for bad habits and bad behavior.

If I am OK and good then I must act like I am OK and good. There is no excuse for not doing art, for not showing up to life with all of my OK magic, for not being a whole and healthy person. No excuses. Why would someone choose to NOT be OK? I'll leave that to the psychologists to explain because even though I got stuck there myself for a bit, now that I am on the other side, I don't understand it. I do believe there is true mental illness in the world. That is not what I am speaking of. I am speaking of the mindset that is  merely a way of thinking of yourself. Change the tape, change the narrative, tell yourself different stories about yourself. I am OK and good. You are OK and good. 

There is so much more freedom in being OK. Possibilities are abundant, hope is a real thing that can be created, and mistakes are just that ... mistakes. The mistakes we make are not part of our DNA. They don't define who we are at the core of our being.

Imagine what your life would be without the baggage of being broken. What would happen if you went through this day saying, "I am OK and I am good." What would you do differently? How would your interactions with others be? AND what would happen if you can look at others and say the same thing. They are OK and they are good. They don't need fixing any more than I need fixing. It's a radical thought, isn't it?