In the months after my mother died in 2014, I wandered. I reinvented needlessly. I was scraping the walls to figure out who I was. I started new things. I discarded old things. Eventually, I circled back to here. To the truest version of myself. To Spirit Uncaged.
When I did, I put all the previous posts in a cellar. I gave you the key, providing a link but I hid them away. I named that page, Dig up the Bones because I had buried myself there but I was willing to allow you to dig them up, if you wanted. I was trying to draw a strict line between me then and me now. As if that is possible.
Earlier this year, I entered into Hannah Marcotti's Magic Making Circle and our first prompts had us exploring our identity, our presence. One of the prompts was, "She was" and I resisted for a bit because I had packed up who she was and was comfortable moving forward. I have spent a lot of energy running as hard as I can from who she was. Ah, but this is magic making and it called for integration and honor.
I've come now to this place of being able to honor who I was, the words I wrote ( awkward or not), the things I believed in so deeply that they profoundly shaped my life, the woman that I was. She is still part of me.
I've brought all the previous posts here to this site. The page is still Dig Up the Bones but I am allowing myself to do some of the digging now. I am bringing forth those bones each week and I am singing over them sacred songs of love and honor. I am bowing to all the iterations of myself as worthy.
Today I begin.
From July 15, 2014, Life is not Linear. These are words that I wrote two years ago about revisiting life from time to time, circling back, remembering. Good words.
We describe life as being on a journey
taking a path
following a way
as if we can input our here and our there
into life's navigational system
to receive back step by step directions
even the detours are scripted
life is not linear
it needs revisiting from time to time
sift and sort
bring forward what you need to progress
leave behind what needs to stay in the past
life isn't all forward motion
instead it is layers of spiraling
back and forth
inward and outward
an ever expanding mobius strip