what's up and what not | v. 9

And now you’ll be telling stories
of my coming back
and they won’t be false, and they won’t be true
but they’ll be real
— mary oliver

Being gone from home is one thing. Maybe it is for pleasure or for work or for any one of many reasons. It brings its own challenges and victories. Returning home is another thing. Re-entry is rarely easy. In the matter of days, we change. Wherever and whomever we are returning to are changed as well. Debriefing may be necessary. Checking in to see if all the systems are in order. 

I've been gone awhile from this place of mine that I created. Life took me away. Death took me away. Returning is difficult because so much has happened and I feel changed. Again. Another iteration of myself. How can I be the same? I'm not. 

In the matter of a few weeks, then days and hours, my brother suffered a stroke and it was finally discovered. It was cancer. Though earlier this year, he had received an all clear after surgery and treatment of lung cancer, here he was just a few months later with cancer of an undetermined source. Those few weeks turned into just ten more days. He is gone and I am changed. 

A week after my brother died, we left for a ten day vacation out west to visit the Grand Canyon and more importantly to see my oldest son for the first time in six months and to leave another son with him. They are taking first steps into  a true and great adventure. Two sons now in California, testing themselves, living life and I am changed. 

Returning here to this space has been challenging. Returning to the practice of sharing my life, my words, my voice calls me and I must answer. Returning to the creative practice, the art making, the exploration and discovery is a slow burn inside. I have never felt so bent toward making my life happen. No more sitting and waiting. No more arguing my limitations. I know all the why and most of the how. Now I mix them together to create the what that I do and who that I am shines through. 

Let's do this. 

and from the what-not shelf



I love when my children share their music loves with me. My daughter, Katie, had The Lone Bellow on her playlist and every time they played, I asked, "Who is that?!" Love!



It doesn't appear that my images are showing up for what I am reading. Maybe they are for you and maybe it is a glitch on my end but just in case . . . 

I just finished Circle of Stones by Judith Duerk. It was one of those books that I got to the end and immediately began reading it again. My insecurity, doubts, and questions are being validate and healed. 

for me the balance between doing and just being is the most important and dangerous question. If I am guilted and lured into achieving too much and lose the stillness at my center, then it takes me a long time to regain it, and I do violence to myself and those I love because of fatigue and pressure.
— judith vuerk, circle of stones


I'm late to watching this series but the upside is I don't have to wait to watch new seasons. All on Netflix. Took me well into second season to really love it but now I am totally hooked!