my word of the year | EXPANSIVE

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
— marianne williamson

Attention! Attention! I am here to announce my 2016 guiding word and intention! Are you ready? Here we go . . . . . ! 

Expansive

For the record, I didn't choose this word. It chose me. It's been chasing me since August after I visited my son in Yellowstone. I speak often about how expansive the sky was there. It frightened me. It felt TOO big. To keep from feeling as if I would float off into the stratosphere, I developed strategies to stay grounded and centered. 

Obviously, in early November I had begun to sense something was stirring. I wrote:

There is a storm brewing within and it is spilling out all over me. I am churning through life right now. One moment pulled to the top and the next, I am scraping the bottom. On the surface, I am determined and focused. Sure I keep saying that I am sure. It's true. 

What is within is not doubt. It is not uncertainty. It is agitation. It is all systems go. My fires are roaring to life. I am preparing for launch. It feels huge. Expansive. It is overwhelming. . . . 

I had a mentoring session last week and one of the questions was "what is ready to grow?" I quickly wrote down my answer: me, my life, my work. In my meditation, I envisions myself under a big sky, a huge sky, an expansive sky. I felt small but knew that I would grow to fill that space. But for now, I feel small and the bigness feels a bit scary.

More blog posts followed and that word kept showing up. Expansive. When I walked into what would become my new home, I breathed in and said, "It feels expansive." I should have known. 

However, in December, I took a weekend away to reflect on the past year and to dream and scheme for the upcoming year. I worked so hard to convince myself that my intention for 2016 would be Happy. I wrote about choosing happy, creating happy. I thought I was settled. 

Then we moved into this home. This expansive home. It is beautiful and colorful. Though new to us and in a completely different location, it feels old and familiar, almost as if it has been waiting for us all this time while other people took up space here. 

The garage is going to be my studio space and it is being transformed into something bright and light. My paintings are finding home here. My ideas are exploding. Expanding. Expansive. 

It wasn't ever going to be any other word but expansive. Though I fought it. Though I struggled to make something else fit. Expansive chose me because it is time. 

I am done arguing. I am done shrinking. I am done fearing what is next and how to do it and what it means. I am done apologizing for myself and my bigness. It is time to believe in myself wholeheartedly and to take the bones of that belief and put some flesh to them. 

Yes, the question resounds in my thoughts. Who am I? "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Who am I to be allowed to spend my time and energy doing what I love? Who am I to expand and grow and become all that I am? 

"Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 

I am stepping into expansive being and I am going to bring you along for the ride! I have absolutely no idea what that means! LOL! It will be a blast figuring it out as we go along. Let's do this, shall we? 

What is your word or intention for 2016? 
What is within you that is powerful beyond measure? 
How have you been shrinking instead of showing up and what will you do to flip that?