surrender to create

Resistance by definition is self-sabotage
— stephen pressfield, The war of art

Life is sporadic right now. I cannot seem to get on a regular schedule of work flow, of creative time, of writing, of taking care of the things that keep life moving forward. When I did my 100 day project of excavated poetry, I purposely chose a portable art form. I could take my book and pens with me anywhere. This project of showing up and writing every day requires my physical presence to be in this seat everyday. The easel requires my physical presence in front of it. What are my obstacles?

Actually, the question is what IS my obstacle because when I quit making excuses, it comes down to just one obstacle. The resistance within myself. Resistance finds any viable reason to avoid work. 

I could probably quote the entirety of the book, The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield but I won't because, well, copyright. Instead, I will encourage you to get purchase a copy. You will want to own it, read it, mark it up, converse with it, and re-read it often. The book has taught me about showing up to my work. Well, it is teaching me because the lessons are ongoing. I learn. I forget. I remember. I forget again. I remember again. The remembering happens more frequently now. Progress.

Today, I woke up late and groggy. My typical energetic morning was not to be found. I made my way to the kitchen lamenting that I was awake much later than I wanted to be. Whine. Whine. Whine. Coffee was made and then I contemplated what I should turn my energy toward. Art journaling and easel time were the strongest pull. I am craving hours with the paint and canvas. 

The house is full of energy today. Everyone is off work this morning and conversation has been buzzing and loud. I don't have a separate art studio. My easel stands in the corner of the common room, the room where we eat and gather. It would be impossible to drown out the noise and create. I resigned myself to nothing creative this morning. 

Resistance showed up as resignation and excuses. 

No. If I can't find a way to be in front of my easel this morning, then what can I do? How can I find a way to surrender to my reality while still showing up to the work I have to do? There are so many options! I could take my art journaling supplies to the bedroom and set up a small table there and work. I could even take a small canvas and paint in there. I could choose to sit down and write ( as I am doing ). What I cannot and will not choose is to allow resistance to win. 

It is tempting to want picture perfect circumstances in which to create. That is not reality. Each day is new and different ( and isn't that a glorious thought?!). Each day issues the invitation of creating the way forward. Surrender is not giving up. Surrendering is a softening into the now. It is an acknowledgement of the present conditions and finding ways to show up regardless. 

Now that I have turned my creative energy to writing, making something else happen, my house has quieted down. Everyone has retreated to their own creative activities. The easel waits for me. I must go and paint.