i am a conduit

Autumn is the hardest season.
The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like
they’re falling in love with the ground.
— andrea gibson

As energized as I was last night, I am depleted tonight. 

It has been a day of shifting in my body. My mind and heart are open but my body is still reluctant. I am wishing for release. 

The entire day has been awash with my tears as I have cried uncontrollably most of the day. Just when I would feel I had it all under control, the tears would overwhelm me again. I have sobbed until my body aches. 

I even thought I needed to watch a sad movie so that I could maybe get to the bottom of my tears. This movie is so simply beautiful that I have never been able to watch it without crying. The message of being present in life, all the relationships, so beautiful. I sobbed my way through the end of this movie and still there were more tears. 

Then I remembered that we are close to the Autumn Equinox. ( the exact time is 4:21 am, September 23) I also remembered reading something about this being a time of upheaval, of churning emotions. 

I searched for and found the explanation I was looking for. 

First this:

Okay my loves. A bit of a heads up that some heavy waters are on the way. Choppy waves ahead! Put your life jacket on and GO WITH THE FLOW. Don't fight it. Don't defend your position. ROLL WITH THINGS. This is an important message I am getting for you right now. Something here is important in how you are handling the waves crashing in. You may want to get very overly dramatic and make too much out of it when this is really just a passing scene on your journey. This is so fleeting, even though it may feel like it hits you to the core. This has to do with a collective purging going on. So this is just as much you as it is others and the purged density is still hanging around a bit. It is everywhere and crossing boundaries into your space, so much so that you may think it is yours. So you may feel suspicious, sick to your tummy, grumpy, or even depressed. BUT IT IS JUST ENERGIES LEAVING YOU AND THEM and they will start to dissipate and be gone in 2 days. Do not try to define anything!!! Let it go! This feels like fog to me, where it is sitting here and hasn't evaporated, or whatever it does, just yet. Where there is confusion, surrender to NOT NEEDING AN ANSWER. Just be with this, don't judge or react to ANYTHING. You may want to do a bit of protection today with having some smoky quartz on your body and for SURE sage yourself galore! This is a day of needing a travel sage stick! Photo credit @crystals_of_australia #aquariusnation #energyalert #mercuryretrograde #eclipsewindow #eclipse

A photo posted by Aquarius Nation (@aquariusnation) on

Ah, yes. Good reminders to lean in, surrender, and sage smudge myself and my room. I did just that and then also found a few more words that offer me even more explanation:

ENERGY UPDATE: You may be someone who is a conduit for the purging of the density that is occurring on Earth. 

We are collectively in a HUGE PURGING PERIOD on Earth.

If you are getting sick recently, you are purging old and nasty wounds that have been holding you back in life. Consider them GONE and leaving you with each piece of nasty that is coughed up, as much of it is coming out the throat. Even if you are not sick many of you will find that you do have phlegm in your throat. Allow your mind to get around the idea that these wounds are now GONE and you are pure once again. Our mind is the main culprit in holding onto our wounds. So just trust this. GONE. You are born again. Manifest a new life from that purity! See with new eyes in knowing you do not need to attract situations that reinforce your wounds.

Also there are people on this Earth now who are here to assist this “project”. So some of you will also be purging the density of this World and its peoples. You are doing the work for others! So it is a great service, although not that pleasurable for you at times. This means you may get violently ill or even have violent dreams. Do not think this has anything to do with you! You just signed up to be this pillar of healing for the collective unconscious of the area you are around. You actually are right where you should be being of service to THAT area.
— www.aquariusnation.com

I do feel that I am a conduit and I am moving energy. It has been an exhausting day and I don't feel it is quite over yet. There is still a bit more purging and cleansing left. I accept my role. It is good to understand it and to know that I am not crazy. This is movement, important movement, and it is a reminder of being connected, not only to this wonderful world and her celestial companions, but to the humanity and humans who inhabit this world.