saving myself

Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascination, obsessions,and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart. The rest of it will take care of itself.
— elizabeth gilbert
 from Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

from Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

"You're recent posts have been so ON POINT!"

Those exact words have been said to me twice this past week. Similar words have been sent to me as well. To all I say, "Thank you!" I am grateful that this conversation with myself leaks out into the world. I am grateful that the words I need to say to myself are resonating with others. 

 Something weird has happened this week though. It may just be coincidence but I am struggling with finding what I want to write about each morning. These posts are part of my 100 day challenge of writing each day, of awakening the withered voice. Since changing my writing time to the morning, I have been on a roll. It has felt easy and sure. This week the energy has shifted. I think I know why. 

With the words of encouragement given to me, I added a heaping helping of "this is important work." Suddenly, I have allowed this to feel too important, too needed. A tiny thought has popped up in my head and has become a huge hurdle. Thinking that my words are important to anyone but me shifts the focus and suddenly, I am trying to save the world. 

I have that in me, that savior complex. I have always felt that I needed to have the answers, that I needed to solve the problems, and if I didn't, then I have failed. It is easy for me to attach that type of meaning to my work. The moment that I do, it becomes too heavy for me to carry. 

I don't want to save the world. I don't even want to save another person. I just want to write what I need to hear and make what I want to make. It's that simple. Elizabeth Gilbert says that's enough. I think I agree with her. 

Now having said that, I want to say again that I am grateful for each person who reads. I love being in conversation with you. Please don't hesitate to comment or send me a message. I learn from you, from the words that you offer as well.  I believe that each of us has the magic within to save ourselves. In that way, maybe we are saving the world.