I choose art
It doesn't matter what you pick. it just matters that you pick. The reason people don't want to pick is because then they have to claim it. Then people will say, 'you picked THAT? you picked THIS?' so it's better to pick nothing
I have wrapped myself with explanations that are beginning to feel a little bit too much like excuses. “I chase my curiosity” or “I am a scanner” an “I am a multipassionate” These are the things I tell myself when it feels like something bigger is calling me to a life of slow devotion. This is what I tell myself as I flit from one thing to another, running from this seed of fear that sits right along side my creative self. As long as I am running, moving, I don’t have to think about it. I don’t have to be it.
I am all about flinging permission. And I am also all about speaking some truth. It’s time now for me to live some truth.
I would like to say that I know right now that painting is THE thing. The truth is that I don’t know but I will never know if I don’t stop and choose. Even at that, I am not going to allow myself to choose for awhile just to explore. No. I need to choose to commit. I need to make a vow. Make a covenant. Make an unbreakable promise.
I have allowed myself to get distracted by chasing what others are good at and what others say that I am good at. I keep myself in perpetually learning but not staying still long enough to master. These are hard truths to admit to myself.
The solution feels simple. Choose. Simply choose. It’s a verb. It’s action. It isn’t a one time declaration but an constant alignment with this choice by choosing each moment.
There is a snippet of a verse from the Bible echoing in my mind right now,
Choose this day whom you will serve
and I know the context of those words is not the context of my life right now but it certainly feels like good words to hold onto. A Walking Prayer as my friend, Hannah would say. The words feel perpetual. Choose this day and the next day, choose this day.
I am doing it. I am picking and and I am claiming it.