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my sensitivities increase as time goes on ( don't you love the way I say that instead of saying as I get older ) My skin does not like the plastic splint they put on my ankle

 

 

but I question whether or not I even need the splint; I question whether or not I needed an x-ray and why didn't I just go to the store and buy a bandage and brace. I wrote that grief static interrupts my intuition but having the stroke last year has made me extremely distrustful of my body as well. 

 

 

my need for healing is highlighted and blasting in neon lights

 

 

I jumble with words most of the day. knowing what I want to write and then not knowing and throwing words up onto a screen ... and then delete delete delete delete

 

 

I remind myself that I have been showing up to the work of portals ... creating them, painting them, learning about them, writing about them ... and I remind myself that product is not the only measure of success

 

 

I mucked up my time today and wasn't able to get to something I had signed up for. My first reaction is frustration at myself and others. Then I wonder, if this isn't a message from my inner wisdom too. I don't need these things I keep signing up for. I'm reaching and over reaching to fill in a gap that isn't there.

 

 

today is my grandson's birthday. Nine years old. I've had to convince myself of that all day today. 

 

 

sitting around the fire tonight, needing the peace of staring into the flames. The house has been full this evening of my incredible humans ... my incredibly loud humans ... but their noise comes from love and laughter. 

 

 

If I could change one thing about myself, it would be that I would be less noise sensitive.