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waking up with the feeling of anticipation, remembering that good things are planned for today. what a wonderful way to wake up



coffee and words on the porch



the girl and I hang out at the museum and then eat yummy burgers together ... these are the good and sweet times



I struggle to find ways to check in, to make sure she is ok ... though none of us know what being OK means now



I cry telling her how grateful I am for all of them, how much they have given to me, expanding my life and the way that I see the world. I have incredible humans. 



being on the brink of tears is worse than not crying at all and worse than sobbing quietly in the grocery store ... it brings no release. 



tonight I feel like my words are bottling up inside of me . . . as much as I write privately and publicly, there is so much that I avoid saying and I worry that I'm not making space for any of us to say what we need to say



I am giving myself permission to be soft with all the things in my life right now ... with the planning and with the challenges and the changes and with the deadlines. As much as I want to pour myself into a mold of structure, I know that I need soft.



only two more sleeps until he comes home. I miss him.