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i slept through my alarm this morning. i must need the sleep. we don't allow ourselves to need and take rest. 

 


i begin the morning reading poetry that my daughter posted on instagram. I weep over the beautiful words. and I remember how poetry has always been a medicine. i reach for my own poetry books. 


She told me last week that I am a poet. I ask myself again, "am I?" I wonder if there is as seed being planted within and what am I going to do about it? 

 


While making coffee, I chat and check in with the sons who are in and out of the kitchen. It still surprises me to be the mother of men. When did this happen?

 


I feel stronger today. less fearful. most of the day. There are still moments. But mostly, I begin to root into knowing that I am doing all I can to be as healthy as I can. Beyond that, all of it is out of my control. I don't like not being in control. This is probably why health issues feel so vulnerable to me. 

 


I committed my energy today to being in the journals. For the most part, it was a day of prepping pages. Again, I contemplate how much time we spend preparing for other things. It is sometimes difficult to allow these minutes and hours to count for something but it is still practice and work

 


They write me a list of Marvel Superhero movies I need to watch before the new Avengers movie releases at the end of April. This is how I enter into their world. 

 


We watch Iron Man together. I am so cold even though I am wrapped up in blankets on the couch. The calendar says Spring and my mind thinks that means warmer weather so this cold day feels even colder. Mostly my nose is cold. 

 


He cleaned off the porch for me today. It makes me smile to know how tenderly he takes care of me. That warmer weather will be here soon enough and I will be on the porch, writing these lists ...and maybe flinging some paint around.