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Happy spring equinox. These dates will forever mean something else now. It was this week last year that Noah moved to Florida, beginning a new life there. Spring... the season of beginnings. To me. It felt like the end. I lost his everyday presence. 

 

 

Thinking back to last night and the thunder... Growing up, I was terrified of thunder storms. I would sit in the hall of our house, crying.

 

 

Then I married him. I am not sure if he knows how he has helped me learn how to be brave in the storms.  

 

 

I lost my temper at Costco today over something that was fucking stupid. It wasn't my best moment. I came home and told myself to shake it off. I looked in the mirror and said, "it's OK. You are allowed to have not great moments from time to time" 

 

 

He texts me and asks me on a date. Yes please.  

 

 

 The uprooted feeling has returned. I am exhausted from digging in my heels and holding on. 

 

 

We sit side by side, holding hands, at the theater, cheering the announcements of next year's Broadway season. Gratefulness bubbles in my heart for how we have opened ourselves to these experiences. 


 

Familiar spaces. The menu is the same as it was the first time we ever ate there years and years and years ago. There is much to be said for knowing what to expect.  

 

 

As I finish reflecting on this day, he has already fallen asleep bedside me, breathing a rhythm of not quite snores. My lullaby tonight.