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we drive around in a circle, looking for the new location. it's familiar territory but new spaces bring a new energy. that could be good or that could be bad. what if I try not to label it. 


christian music blasting in the waiting area assaults my heart. most days I am not triggered. today is not one of those days. 


but she is safe. I know this. she has been placing healing hands on my body for over two years. I trust her ... to relieve the stress, to work out the knots, to remind me. 


the lights are low. the music here in this room is soothing. I begin to breathe. until I begin to cry. it's very difficult to breathe when you are crying.


I cry because I am not OK. and I've been trying to be OK. and I am tired from all the trying. 


I don't know what it looks like to be OK. I don't really know what it looks like to not be OK. Mostly, I don't know. 


It's OK to not be OK. It's OK to be OK. It's definitely OK to not know. 


for all that I don't know, there is much that I do know.


  • IT is OK to know.