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1. It’s been a roughshod and in a hurry and nose to the ground type of few days. The medicine in my scattered self is that she is not scattered at all. She hones in on what I didn’t even know was important or what I didn’t even know had become a burden and she does something about it.

2. Spotify sent me my top songs for the year. What a surprise to hear all that I’ve been listening to. It’s been a fun playlist on this overcast day of work.

3. Did I say yesterday that I wanted to pull the clouds back over me? Can I take that back? It’s too cold for clouds and those snow clouds need to get on outta here.

4. Three cups of coffee today.

5. and no nap.

6. This day has been a long time coming . . . I am not throwing away my shot!

7. A street singer with an accordion belting out Hamilton songs. We joined in with some King George La de da de da but most impressive were the young women keeping up with that opening song, Alexander Hamilton. Interestingly, so many people walked by without even a side glance and I wonder how many people are going to see Hamilton but know nothing about it. Which could be a wonderful experience, too.

8. Overheard, “what are the showstoppers? I don’t want to make sure I’m paying attention” Um, they are ALL showstoppers?


There are moments that the words don't reach
There's a grace too powerful to name
We push away what we can never understand
We push away the unimaginable

(If you see him in the street, walking by her side
Talking by her side, have pity)
Look around, look around
They are going through the unimaginable

how many times and how many people have said to me, I just can’t imagine. Honestly, I don’t know how to respond to that. I know, I know. I couldn’t have imagined either until you really don’t have to imagine because it is happening, in real time, to you. So there it is … either you can’t imagine it or you don’t have to because it is real. Is that too harsh? But it is what it is.

Those words break me more for my husband than for myself because I think most people assume that I need more understanding and kindness, that I am suffering more. He and I don’t compare suffering. We know that it our pain is unique to each of us and it is different on different days. It breaks my heart though to think of him in pain, to think of him wandering through this life without his son, without the ability to make it all OK for all of us.


* this list of nine is brought to you today by the musical Hamilton

Cynthia LeeComment