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so here's the thing. I need to write. I want to write. Everyday, I intend to write. And everyday, I don't write. 
There's a hundred and one things I do other than write. 
I make lists of books to read. 
I scroll through instagram. 
I obsess on where is the best place to publish my writing.
I make journals ... which I could be writing in but I'm not. 
I look for plant based recipes. 
I sweep the porch. 
I meditate for a second time in a day which is really just me taking a snooze. 
I play games on my phone. 
I declutter the files on my computer. 
None of those things are inherently wrong except none of those things are writing and I need to write. I want to write. And everyday, I do anything but write.

I haven't known how to do it or how to get back to it. It feels bigger than it is and beside it, I simply feel small. "Just do it," I have angrily whispered to myself multiple times a day. Just write some words, something, anything. Quit analyzing it, stop looking at the obstacles and excuses, let go of the perfect way and all the boxes checked off. Just do it.

Consider this "Consider This Rebooted"

let's begin again. Even if it is almost the end of the day. I am not going to let another day go by without writing. These lists of noticing saved me at one time. And I think that's the entire point ... the power of words to save us. So, I will step back into the practice of observation, of noticing, of considering. Here we go:

Consider This | 00001 
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1. The wind blows the acorns across the roof of the sun porch and it sounds like rain.

2. Ah, but two days of rain pouring down and this room felt like a cocoon.

3. Tonight, the worth of this space was proven when it filled up with laughter and a bit of dream making and selfies on the floor.

4. An unexpected gift brought my boy closer and I hear his voice wrap around me.

5. Could anything be easier or tastier than a big pot of vegetable soup?

6. I'm thinking about how we refer to the place of beginning as the starting point ... do you know how small a point is? The lesson here is to start small.

7. I'm supposed to be noticing, observing and my eye sight is fuzzy. So is my heart sight.

8. Sometimes I wonder if a good old fashioned gold star chart could motivate me. I am not even kidding.

9. There's a bit of the crud creeping around here these last couple of weeks. It can creep right on past me, thank you very much.

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Reflection is not necessary, in fact, it sort of defeats the purpose. So this will be the one and only time that I add commentary to my observations. Wrapping the words around what I notice feels creaky like when I haven't been to yoga for a month. It takes a while for me to be able to get into the poses with ease. I will remember that in regards to writing my words, whether it be simply lists or a narrative of whatever life topic calls.

But tonight, I get a gold star. I did it. I wrote words today.

 
Cynthia LeeComment