blogging from a to z challenge - grief notes

because I haven't been writing and it's time to start again
                           and every day is day one; a good day to begin

because I don't already have enough things that I am starting and taking on in April
                           ( you don't need me to point out the sarcasm there, right?)

because I have words that I haven't released and they are all getting stuck in my throat. 
                           Pass the smudge stick, I need to clear my fifth chakra! 

because I have always held an affection for alphabet books and lists
                           for someone who pushes against labels and categories, I do love them too

because I love a good challenge and I want to lean into this exploration
                           instead of just abandoning it or blasting right past it


For the Blogging from A to Z Challenge, I'll be writing about the grief journey.

My twenty year old son, Noah, was killed in a car accident August 17th, 2017. I wrote so many words at the beginning, reaching for the only way I knew how to make it through. I'm reaching again. I don't want to forget. I don't want to blow past these days which mostly feel numb. It will be real and raw. It will be one more step in learning how to live without him. 

Not a light subject but one that needs to come out into the light. Too many hide away their sadness, their confusion, their utter lostness. Unfortunately, death is part of life. It would us well to not ignore it, avoid talking about it, pretend like it doesn't affect so many people at any given time. Look around you. There is loss. Acknowledge it. Show up to it. Break the taboo. That's my intention. 


HT to my friend Deborah Weber who is, among other things, the queen of alphabet posts and brilliant and unusual words.