december reflections | my wish for 2018

While we breathe, we will hope.
— barack obama


I think the core of my wish for 2018 is hope. I want hope to return. I want to be able to see the light. 

How do I get there? How do I see it? How do I experience it? How do I find hope again? 

Is it within my control? Is it my choice? Or does hope just exist? 

I don't know the answers to those questions. 

What I do know is that I can breathe. 

Just that is transformational. Just that has the power to bring presence and peace and positivity. My Noah was the most positive person ... a bright light ... not Pollyanne-ish. He knew how to work hard, make plans, make his life happen. He always looked for the good, for the bright side, for the hope. 

He has been with me the last few weeks, whispering in my ear, adjusting my outlook. See over there, Mamasita?! Open your eyes. Open your heart. It is all around you. Don't close your eyes! You don't want to miss it. 

It feels dimmer ... gray-er ... and it is ... but it's not. That is what he is telling me. He is the one that told us to inhale, exhale. 

That's our mantra. 

Next year, that is enough.