december reflections | stillness

All through your life your soul takes care of you...your soul is alive and awakened, gathering, sheltering and guiding your ways and days in the world. In effect, your soul is your secret shelter.
— anam cara, john o'donohue


This morning. 

quiet. soft light. 

an ocean of words to dive into. except I'm not diving, I am merely wading at the edge, barely dipping my toes in. My brain and my heart do not comprehend depth right now. I will re-read this one again and again, in the next years of my healing journey. 

the pinpoints of light are there though and in the darkness, they guide and they comfort. I am captivated by thoughts and ideas in this book. 

"the soul is not simply within the body, hidden somewhere within its recesses. The truth is rather the converse. Your body is in the soul, and the soul suffuses you completely. Therefore, all around you there is a secret and beautiful soul light"

ah ... this is the aura! 

He goes on to talk about the senses and how "when the senses open out to the world, the first presence they encounter is the presence of your soul"

Isn't that such a beautiful thought? When my eyes look, when my ears hear, when my nose smells, when my tongue tastes, when my hands touch ... it is all through the filter of the soul. It makes me feel so much differently about how I am moving through the world, how I am being.

"We do not need to operate according to the idea of a predetermined program or plan for our lives. Rather, we need to practice a new art of attention to the inner rhythm of our days and lives . . . If you work with a different rhythm, you will come home easily and naturally to yourself. Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future, therefore your can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself . . . there are no principles for this art of being. If you attend to yourself and seek to come into your presence, you will find exactly the right rhythm for your life" 

I've spent much of my life trying to find the right formula for my life, devouring books about time management and productivity and years spent with religion dictating the rules and even now, I plunder the thoughts of ayurvedic rhythms and creative practices ... all outside of myself, outside of my knowing, outside of my own soul. These words bring me back to something I say a lot but don't always practice well . . . my soul knows. I already know. 

What if? What if my soul already knows how to live my life? What if the rhythms are already there but I haven't been listening? What if I tuned in? 

When I read "your soul alone has the map of your future," I cannot help but think about my Noah and his insistence on moving to Florida when he did. His soul knew and he made the most of his few days, short years. He lived so big and loved even bigger. I want to live like that. I want to love like that. 

Hmmmm... This is what the stillness has brought me this morning. Stirring in the soul and the heart and in the imagination.